Regeneration of the Past
by Tashishka
Summary: The Doctor doesn't know who he is anymore, since she left. He has changed,needs her back.Since he left her behind, Rose hasn't been able to move on, he still haunts her.The Oncoming Storm approaches...coming before the dawn of Golden Darkness...
1. Summary

**Disclaimer; I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form.**

**Prologue contains references to self harm, if you are uncomfortable with such subject matter, do not read this fic**

**You have been warned...**

This will eventually be about Rose and the tenth doctor, but not in the way you are used to seeing them.

The time war is over, Rose and The Doctor are gone, believed dead...

Steven Alder is a 17 student who feels like he doesn't belong. He sees things, shadows, faces of people he has never met yet some he somehow knows, he hears voices that he recognises but he has no idea where they are from. To whom do they belong?

Those around him think him crazy, have him committed to the adolescent psychiatric unit otherwise known as "The Unit."

What if the shadows and the voices are part of a past, Steven's past? Can he come to accept this? Can he become the person he once was and shoulder the responsibilities he once bore? Or has all that The Doctor and Rose fought for been in vain?

The first few chapters may seem a little slow and irrelevant to Doctor Who, but it'll get going soon!


	2. Prologue

**Disclaimer; I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form.**

**Prologue contains references to self harm, if you are uncomfortable with such subject matter, do not read this fic**

**You have been warned...**

**Prologue**

Darkness. The bane of most peoples lives. For many it comes too soon, stealing precious hours from them without their knowledge. Like the unseen parasite it is.

Many fail to realise that it is a living thing, in every sense of the word. There are some however that are all too aware of this, people who live forever in constant night, eternal darkness, even when walking in the burning rays of the sun.

On the outside they are no different to anyone else; you couldn't pick them out from a crowd, which is exactly what they want. They do not wish to be different, they wish for normality. The one thing they cannot have. The one thing we take for granted. So they envy us, it is all they can do. It is beyond their control, you cannot change the stars.

Such things as dreaming and sleep are beyond them, they are not suffers of insomnia in the clinical sense. It is that they cannot shut out the world like we can, they are too aware.

They live on a knife edge, alive, yet dead at the same time, a feat believed impossible. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Do you believe in Heaven and Hell? In God and the Devil?

I don't. My name is Steven Alder and believe me, God and the Devil are merely a smoke screen, hiding something more. In essence they exist, but not in the way that is believed. Good. Evil. There is a fine line between them. Angels, demons, creatures of the night, they all exist. You think I'm crazy yet?

Most people do, so I guess you can be excused, but trust me, if you saw what I see, knew what I know…well you'd need to be made of stern stuff, otherwise you would go to pieces. Literally.

It has long been believed that there is some form of other world out there, somewhere. You know the whole Heaven/Hell/Alternate Universe thing. Don't dismiss it. There is something out there. I should know. I see it on a daily basis.

Yeah I know what you are thinking- seventeen year old, he's high on something, delusional, drunk or just stark raving mad. I wish I was. I wish this was just a figment of my over-active under-challenged teenage mind. That would be easier.

Instead it has become my reality, my life. Society shuns me now. Freak, some call me. Whispers follow me wherever I go, taunts, chants, blows. I'm used to it now. Compared to what I see, it I nothing yet some, the few that I regard as friends, say I must go through hell at the worlds hands. They have no idea how close to the truth they really are. God really has a twisted sense of humour.

Life for me is a constant battle, a fight to stay together. A conflict rages in my mind, trying to literally tear me apart. See no-one should be able to live as I do, shouldn't be in both worlds at once. It can only be one or the other. I wrought this curse myself, unwittingly. Now I must decide which it is to be. Do I choose this world, this life, or do I succumb to the eternal darkness, retreat to this other world.

Such is my fate. Angels and Devils, or here and now? If I had known before I did it what it would do to me, I would never have even considered it. Or maybe I would have. Only I would have made sure there was no way I could be brought back.

I was fifteen when I caused this, fifteen and clinically depressed. I had always been different, even then. I couldn't cope; I was the usual mess of hormones and emotions, so tangled that I couldn't see a way forward. I wanted out. So I found comfort in a kiss. The kiss of blades on my skin.

At first it was just little cuts in inconspicuous places- upper arm, thigh, places I could hide. Soon this was not enough; the pain did little to deaden the torment in my mind. The cuts grew deeper, more obvious. I didn't care who knew any more. I hoped that someone would notice and care enough to help. They didn't. I was fading away, slowly dying, disappearing. I thought I may as well speed the process up, do everyone a favour.

I can still remember the kiss of the blades as they slipped through the skin on my wrists. I remember thinking that it wasn't so bad, the pain was less than I'd expected. I sat in my room, waiting for death. I wasn't afraid, in fact I embraced it, wanted it to take me. As darkness filled my vision I know I smiled…I was finally going to find peace.

Officially I was dead for just over two minutes. Things changed after that. I guess I couldn't expect anything more. I was referred to a psychiatrist, she encouraged me to talk. Bad move there. I don't want to talk, not now. I'd tried before my "attempt" and no-one cared. They don't care now either, they just want to make sure that they are free of guilt and blameless.

At first it was just dreams, you know nightmares that I'd wake screaming from. I'd see things, faces, angels, demons, everything. Sometimes there were names. Most of them lead to no good- there were often things in the paper, all of them bad. That frightened people even more, convinced my parents that perhaps I was more disturbed than they thought. They referred me to an asylum. That was the final nail in my coffin. What were once nightmares, confined to the darkest hours, spilled over into my waking hours, I could not wake from it any more.

This place tried all sorts of treatments to drive out what they were convinced were suppressed memories of some past trauma. Little did they know that this trauma was death itself. I was there for over a year, the only thing that held me together was that I knew I wasn't mad. I knew these things were real. Eventually I was able to make out that the visions had stopped. That I was sane.

They let me go home. Home. I knew things would have changed but I wasn't prepared for just how much. My parents appeared afraid of me; most of my friends wanted nothing to do with me. I thought they'd understand, that just proved to me how alone I was, that no-one else could see what I see.

My life now I for one purpose only- to decide whether I live in this world or the other. It isn't going to be easy, either way I'm going to lose. I guess that's just life's' way really, someone always has to lose. Cause and effect. I guess the consequences of my suicide attempt are finally catching up with me…


	3. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer; I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form.**

****

**One**

He stood outside a classroom, picking idly at his fingernails, not taking any notice of the figure that was coming up the otherwise deserted corridor towards him. "Mr Alder," a voice rang sharply, shattering the silence. With agonising slowness, Steven raised his eyes, dropping all pretence of interest in his fingernails.

The figure of Ellison Greens Headmaster Peter Michaels towered over him. At just over six feet tall, Steven himself knew how it felt when you towered above another. When you were able to intimidate, he knew the power that came with this.

"Okay Alder, with me now." No please, just an order, barked out abruptly. A show of his authority, many would say, shows that he means business.

Steven followed him silently down the corridor, his gaze wandering to everything and anything that they passed, in a desperate attempt to keep his mind occupied. His eyes were just finding their way back to the black suited back of the Head, when something caught his eye. He got no more than a fleeting glance, but this was enough.

Shadows were skating across the otherwise blank walls. This in itself was nothing to be getting excited about, or anything else for that matter. This was a school, an apparently "high class" establishment, but a school nevertheless. Many of the students enjoyed creating "shadow dances" on the walls, just to annoy the staff. He was one of them. Or at least he used to be.

No, what got him about these shadows was how solid they appeared, and how dark they were. It was like staring into space staring at them. They were so dark, so intense. His legs became leaden, making each step harder to take. He was drawn to these shadows, like iron to a magnet.

"_Wait," a voice rang out, clear as day in his mind. "What are you doing? You don't know what they are. What's to say they are even there…remember what happened last time…?"_

He shook his head, trying to clear the mugginess that had descended. He knew that he would need all of his wits about himself when dealing with Michaels. Still, he could not tear himself away from the shadows. Something was rooting him there.

"_You have come back to me then…I knew that you would." _The voice had changed and Steven felt his whole body stiffen. It was a voice that he knew all too well from his time in the "Unit" It was a voice that he hadn't heard in the past month. He thought he had finally rid himself of it. Apparently not.

"Alder!" Michaels had turned and had fixed Steven with what he obviously thought was an intimidating look, mixed with disapproval. He motioned into his office with an elbow. He watched the boy intently, his brow furrowed. "Inside. Now"

Steven dragged his feet reluctantly, tearing his eyes away from the shadows in time to walk through the door.

"Sit" Michaels barked, indicating a chair as he walked around the desk. He watched the boy suspiciously as he lowered himself into it without a murmur. His expression was unreadable, his arms folded, a classic pose of defiance.

Michaels pushed his glasses back onto his nose and sighed. "Steven, you know why you are here don't you?" He watched the boy closely; his reaction would determine how he would proceed.

He was greeted by stony silence; there was not even a flicker in the boys clear grey eyes. Instead there was hollowness, emptiness. A darkness there that no-one could get past. Looking into his eyes for too long caused the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on end.

Michaels thought back to the meeting he'd held with all of the staff who had contact with Steven. It was supposed to be about how he was progressing; instead it became an opportunity for the staff to part with their fears about the boy. Many of their comments were far from pleasant.

He sighed and looked at the boy once more. With his golden hair and once bright, shining silver eyes, you would automatically place him with the "cool" crowd of the school. He was built like an athlete; you would expect him to be part of some sports team. To be a credit to the school. He was. Once. Now though, things were different, in fact Steven now bore little resemblance to what he once was. The incident today proved that.

"Steven," he began again. "I had Miss Neils come to me asking me to remove you from her class, are you going to tell me why?

Steven shrugged, staring at his wrists, tracing something the Head couldn't see. He didn't need to see though, he knew what it was. He looked at the boys bare forearms. Across them both was a criss-crossing network of raised white lines. Physical scars, self inflicted injuries. Stevens way of coping. Apparently. He used to hide these marks from the world, but now he displayed them for all to see. It wasn't the typical teenage boy hard man act. It was more to remind himself of what he'd done. Of what had happened.

The Head watched him sadly. This child, although he'd resent being called that, had already experienced death. He knew what lay beyond this world, and he was being tormented by it. Michaels himself was a devout Catholic; he was in no doubt as to why the boy tortured himself daily. He was a suicide, therefore there was only one place he could go, and he had seen it, he knew what awaited him when he died.

"I'll tell you why then, shall I? Miss Neils said that your class was discussing death and the afterlife, Heaven and Hell, and that… well, your views were somewhat unorthodox and to put it bluntly rather offensive."

Steven looked up, his expression unchanged. "She asked me what I thought, I told her." His voice was quiet, measured.

Michaels could no longer bring himself to look at him. Most boys would have been shifting uncomfortably as they sat there. Not Steven. He was sat perfectly in control. If anything, it was the head teacher that was intimidated by the pupil. His calm, intense gaze was unwavering and not something you usually saw in the eyes of a teenage boy. It was unnerving.

"Look, Mr Michaels, I only told her what I know…what I thought. I can't help it if she is so narrow minded in her views that she cannot cope with…"

"That's enough," Michaels said sharply "Steven, you have to understand that…"

"No I don't," his gaze was no longer steady, but now resembled storm tossed seas. "You are going to try and tell me that I need to embrace faith, not push it aside. That I need to ask for forgiveness for what I have seen, what I have said…well I'm not going to… I've never had much faith, you of all people should know that…and now, after everything that has happened, you expect me to still have faith…well I'm sorry to disappoint you sir…it doesn't work that way." Steven stood and glared at his head teacher, not a trace of fear in his face, no one else would have dared speak to him in this manner. "Are you finished with me sir? I'll go and apologise to Ms Neils as this appears to be what you want. Just don't expect me to change my views." And with that he turned and left the office.

Peter Michaels removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Whenever he dealt with that boy he felt exhausted afterwards. Replacing his glasses on his nose, he pulled a sheet of paper across his desk. He hadn't wanted to do this, but there had been one too many incidents for him to ignore. It was time to involve the boys' parents… not that Steven took any notice of them. Michaels sighed sadly. He knew that many in the school were scared of Steven, but that was nothing compared to his parents. Ever since he'd returned to them six months ago, they had avoided the boy as much as possible, had refused to come to any of the meetings that had been called at the school, barely acknowledged his existence. So really it was no great surprise that he was reverting back to his old ways…he had no guidance.

Once Michaels had tried to offer this to him, only to be greeted with contempt and have his efforts thrown back in his face. His actions now proved just how hopeless the case was- the boy couldn't be saved. Or was it that he didn't want to be saved? He could have done great things with his life, if he had only he had lived. Now though, the boy was doomed, and they both knew it. That did not mean however that Michaels was about to allow him to slip back into darkness without trying to help him. Even if that meant approaching the "Unit" once more and having him re-admitted…

Steven hunched over the sink, his fair hair falling into his eyes. He made no effort to push it away as he scooped up handful after handful of icy water to wash everything away.

'What had happened to him? What was still happening to him?' He looked up, gazing at his reflection in the pane before him. He barely recognised himself these days. He was pale, drawn, haggard. Dark rings framed his eyes. He looked older than his seventeen years. He looked dead; or at least dying.

He snorted slightly at his choice of words. Dead, that's what he should be right now, should have been for two years in fact. But no, it wasn't as simple as that. Even when he'd decided to save life the trouble of having to come up with even more inventive ways of causing him pain and hurt, it wasn't ready to let him go. He was still part of the system

For that was all it was to him, a system, a means to an end. "I don't live anymore." he murmured under his breath. " I'm attending life." He slopped more water on his skin, feeling icy paths wind their way down his neck, chest and back, relishing the sensation. The chill calmed him down, made him feel….more alive, proved he could still feel, that he was still there.

Dragging his sleeve across his face he sighed deeply. He'd better apologize to Miss Neils. Last thing he needed right now was the headmaster hounding him. Not that he ever truly left Steven alone. He was constantly trying to make Steven realise that he still had faith, that he could depend on God to watch over him. Steven quirked a half smile at the thought and it faded almost immediately. It was a mere ghost of the smile that he once sported. It no longer brightened his whole face, it merely served as a stark contrast between what he had been and what he had become.

No-one got a smile from him these days, not even his best friend Will. It took moments like now, twisted thoughts and humour of his own to pull one out of him. His fingers traced the scars on his arms, feeling their raised roughness. He found a strange comfort and strength in them, like the scar tissue had the old him locked inside it. When he touched, or even looked at them, he remembered what life had been like before everything went wrong. They kept him there, kept him whole. Or as whole as he got.

**So what do you think? Yeah I know, a little morbid but it will lighten up soon! Please review!**


	4. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form.**

**Two**

"So...?" came a voice in his ear as he lounged on one of the many sofas in the sixth form common room. Normally full and bustling, it was now quiet, rapidly emptying. Most people had gone home. Not Steven, he was in no rush. He turned slowly to the source of the voice. Leaning on the back of the sofa, his usual half grin in place was William Masters, otherwise known as Will. He vaulted the sofa and landed heavily next to Steven. "you talk to Neils?"

Steven sighed heavily, shrugging in a non committal way. "Kind of, I went to see her, said my piece and left. Don't think it made much difference though. Doubt she'll have me back."

"Don't worry 'bout it mate." Will said bracingly. "She will. What did Michaels want with you ?"

"Usual lecture about needing to find faith...you know." Will nodded in understanding. "It's getting a little old really, and..." he hesitated, unsure of whether to tell his friend about the shadows he had seen. He didn't like lying to his one true friend, but he couldn't risk it... not for anything. He left his sentence unfinished.

Will shrugged, knowing better than to pry. He would be told when Steven was ready...if Steven was ever ready. Since he had come back from "the Unit," his friend hadn't been the same. Will missed the old Steven, the fun loving, adrenaline junky that he used to be. He was gone though, leaving behind the shell that was beside Will now. He hadn't said much about "The Unit" and Will hadn't asked as every time the place was mentioned, Steven would either clam up completely or become incredibly edgy and inexplicably angry with the person that broached the subject. "You coming then?" he made to get up but paused when his friend did not acknowledge him.

Stevens' eyes were clouded, seeing yet unseeing, he was focused on something, his entire body tense, like a tightly coiled spring, ready to explode into motion. His lips were moving as if with speech, yet there was no sound coming out. Suddenly he reached out to something, his hand appeared to be brushing nothing but air, but he obviously thought there was something there as his lips stopped moving and Will saw something he hadn't seen in a long time; Steven smiled. Not one of those hollow, empty smiles that everyone had become so accustomed, but a true smile that lit up his whole face, restoring the sparkle to his long dead eyes.

"Steve bud," Will tapped his friend on the shoulder. Despite his joy at seeing his friend smile, it scared him that he appeared so normal; it wasn't who Steve was now. He was smiling at something he couldn't see, which was unnerving to say the least. This was how it had started before, this was what lead to him being admitted to "the Unit."

Will heard him murmur under his breath but couldn't distinguish the words for certain. Then the smile disappeared abruptly, like the extinguishing of a candle. Shutters came down behind his grey eyes, they were now devoid of warmth. He shuddered as he looked into them. They were now two pools of molten silver, filled with a sadness so complete that it caused a chill to strike his heart. "Steve..." he tried again. "You coming?" he got to his feet and positioned himself directly in front of him.

With some difficulty, Steven looked up at him, his eyes still slightly unfocused, giving him a dazed appearance. He seemed a little unsure of where he was. "Huh?"

"Are... you...coming?" Will repeated once more, dragging out each word. He found it amusing yet somewhat unnerving at the same time. Steven was normally so focused...so grounded, always there. Yet recently, he'd been spacing out worse than ever. Ever since he'd come home in fact.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever" Steven shrugged, shaking his head slightly as he followed his friend to the door. What had just happened? He looked up at Will who was now striding away from him. Normally he would have hurried to catch up with him, but something stopped him. Something was pulling at his senses. Something new yet very familiar...

"_Fantastic!" came a voice in his mind. A mans voice, with a soft Scottish accent. "Oh hello...who are you!" _

" _It's me" the voice had changed now, "Don't you remember me?" it was a woman's voice. "Why did you leave me? How could you do that..."_

"_Do what?" the man asked._

"_You told me you would come back for me, you promised. But you didn't...I waited, I needed you and you never came back..."_

"_Steven..." a third voice joined the group, louder, more insistent. Steven scrunched up his face. It didn't belong, it was too hard, abrasive..._

"Steven!" Will called waving a hand in front of his eyes, eliciting a slight jump from the boy. "Ste' come on mate, don't you be leaving me now." Will knew how close Steven was to being put back in "the Unit" and he didn't want that to happen. Not only would he be losing his best friend again, but he didn't think Steve could cope with it once more. He watched as his friends eyes cleared and he came back to him. "You're home mate, I'll give you a ring later alright?"

"Sure, whatever." and without another word, Steven walked up to the twisted metal gate that lead into his garden. At the door he paused, looking over his shoulder. Will was no where in sight now, yet he could still feel a presence, could still hear a voice whispering to him...their voice like the gentle caress of the wind in the trees...

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He knew the owner of that voice, he was sure of it. She was like the memory of some long past dream to him however. Hovering just outside his consciousness, slipping away from him whenever he tried too had to put a face or a name to the voice. He thought he knew her name...it was a flower... Daisy, no that wasn't it, Fern...no that wasn't it either, and since when had a fern been a flower? He really was losing it.

He pushed the front door open to be greeted by silence. Most people had a family to which they returned after college. Not Steven, he had lost them a long time ago. About the same time he had discovered her. He moved swiftly through the house to the stairs. The sound of laughter reached his ears and he paused, hand on the banister.

It had been so long since he'd heard anyone laugh in this house, he'd almost forgotten what it sounded like. He made his way along to the kitchen, pausing to listen by the door. He could hear his parents laughing, softly now. The sound caused a wave of emotion to overwhelm him. They were fine without him...no one needed him anymore...

"_I needed you..." _her words came unbidden to his mind. As he climbed the stairs to his room it came to him.

Her name was Rose.

**What do you think? We're getting there now, things are going to start getting a lot more interesting and Doctor Who related from now. Please review!**


	5. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form.**

**Three**

**Will POV**

I'm really worried about Steven. I've never seen him as bad as he was today, not for ages. I mean he argued with Miss Neils but ti be honest thats no big deal. At least one of us upsets her somehow, each week. It isn't a normal week if we don't. I know that's nothing to be proud of but hey...

No what's worried me is how much he's been spacing out, I mean look at the common room, he had no idea I was there. He seemed to think he was talking to someone else, that there was someone or something there as he reached out...

And on our way home, he walked with me, but he wasn't really there, his mind was somewhere else. I cold tell from his eyes. They were all glazed over. Yet, as worried as he has me, I can't help feeling happy for him. Whatever he sees seems to make him feel better, it makes him smile. Something I haven't been able to do in months.

I wonder if his parents know about his little 'incident' today? No doubt they soon will if they don't already. I mean Steve can hardly expect Michaels to let that slide. There have been too many incidents like that for him to ignore. I'm prepared to bet anything that there's a letter in the post, or there has been some form of contact.

I can't help but feel sorry for the guy sometimes, Steve that is, not Mr Michaels. I mean his parents want nothing to do with him! As if it wasn't hard enough for him, what with going to "the Unit" and all the stick he gets at school. Sometimes I don't blame him for creating these characters, for creating a means of escape...

**Stevens POV**

_" Her name was Rose."_ I finally had her name. After the months of searching my brain for it. That was proof that I knew her wasn't it? I mean how else would I know her name if I had never met her?

Who was I fooling, that was no more proof that she existed that it proved the Earth orbited the Sun. I couldn't help but sigh bitterly. Even now, after all this time, no one believed me...not that anyone knew the whole truth. Will, I bet he thinks I'm stark raving insane now. That is if he didn't think so already.

Today has been downright weird, even by my consistently high standards. The encounter with Miss Neils has probably been the most normal thing about the day. If it hadn't been me that had upset her, someone else would have managed it, that was guaranteed.

No, what's bugging me are those shadows I saw. I haven't seen anything like them before, not even in my time in "the Unit." They were as black as those i saw then, that much is true...they just felt different. They did not feel threatening, evil like those I encountered in "the Unit." These were quite the opposite in fact. They felt...right...like old friends...Stupid I know,

And Rose...I can't get her off my mind. I just know that I know her, that she is not a by-product of my over active, under challenged teenage mind. Yet only I can see that. Even Will is starting to doubt my sanity, I could see that in his eyes today in the Common Room.

The common room... now that was a fun experience. NOT! It was weird, one minute I was sat on the sofa, listening to Will, the next poof! I was stood in this huge room. It looked like the walls were made out of, or covered in something like copper. The shone dully like metal. I was stood staring down at a control panel, covered in all sorts of strange contraptions I'd never seen before, yet I could tell you exactly what they all did.

That was another thing, I didn't feel like me. I mean I don't even know if I was me, or whether it was all some sort of dream. Up until that moment I had felt like me, then it changed. I felt like I was in someone else's place, you know, seeing things through someone else's eyes...

**Peter Michaels POV**

That poor boy, so lost, so helpless. I regret having to do this, but he has left me with no choice. He has caused so much trouble recently that I believe it to be best. I have written to his parents, requesting that they visit the school in order to discuss their sons' progress. I doubt very much however that they will turn up. They have taken next to no interest in the boy for the last year. It is little wonder that he is falling back to the darkness... I have done all I can. If his parents turn up next week, then we can discuss what is to be done together. Failing this, I have a member of staff at "the Unit" coming to asses the boy next week. I feel that this is the best, make that the only thing left for me to do...

**Yeah I know this chapter was rather short and didn't really make much sense, I felt that a few things needed clarifying. Plus it helped me sort out a few ideas. Well, now we know Rose is involved...but how? Please let me know what you think! **


	6. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form**

**Four**

"_Where am I?" she looked around, taking in her surroundings. She was on Earth at least, that much she was sure of. But where? And more importantly how? She wandered slowly through the streets, taking in everything, the sights, the sounds, the smells. She let them wash over her, savoring them. It had been so long since she and the Doctor had returned here._

_The Doctor...she looked around, expecting him to appear at any moment, his usual grin in place. She smiled remembering his child like joy at finding her again. She wasn't quite so happy, in fact she'd slapped him. Well what else was she supposed to do? He said he'd be back for her soon. As soon as he'd solved some problem...he didn't want to endanger her._

_Two years she waited for him to return. Two years. She'd nearly given up hope of ever seeing him again. She could remember every little detail about him, how his eyes twinkled as he moved with ease around his domain, how he laughed, how his hair was always ruffled. Most of all she remembered his gentle nature, he was never anything but kind to her. That was something, she'd seen him battle many a vicious alien and become a cold, calculated strategist and in some cases a killer...yet to her he was so gentle...he was her world._

_So where was he? She continued to look around, hoping for a glimpse of ruffled brown hair and his signature brown overcoat. Yet there was nothing. He was no where in sight. "Doctor?" she whispered, a leaden feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. "Doctor, where are you? Please, you can't have left me...please..." she felt tears welling in her eyes. "Doctor..." her voice caught in her throat as she turned once more and began to hurry through the crowds in the busy street._

_Then she saw him. He was leaning on the bridge, watching her, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "Doctor!" she gasped running towards him, tears sliding down her cheeks. He turned fully to face her, reaching out to her._

_"Rose," he whispered. "I'm so sorry..."_

_"Why are you..." but she didn't finish the question. A sudden flash of light engulfed the pair, blinding her for a few moments. When the glare receded she paused, confused. "What was th..." she looked to the Doctor...except he wasn't there...he'd gone once more._

_"Please no, please Doctor, don't leave me...please come back..." the tears began to flow once more and she fell to her knees, weeping._

_London 2008, so not really that far into the future really. He'd have liked to have gone further. But ever since he'd left her behind, he felt like he was missing part of himself. "Rose..." he murmured, smiling slightly. She hadn't been best pleased when he turned up out of the blue that day. He got a slap for his troubles. Mind you, he deserved that really. He'd been gone longer than he'd expected_

_He originally intended in being gone for a couple of weeks at the outside. The weeks turned into months and the months to years. He never forgot her. He could remember exactly how she looked, her blonde hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders,her eyes sparkling with excitement. He could remember her scent, a sweet fruity scent like strawberries. Most importantly he could remember her soul. So pure, so kind and gentle. Even after all that she had seen she was still Rose, she hadn't changed like many of his companions did. She was different._

_He leant on the side of a bridge, watching the many people come and go. He was waiting for her. He knew she would come... there she was, same as ever. He could see the emotion in her face when he caught her eye. She thought he'd left her once more. He could never do that again...he needed her._

_He watched her come towards him, joy seeping through his entire body. She was here, she had come back to him. He reached out to take her hand when he felt something. A tugging at his every particle. Something was trying to pull him away. Trying to take him and he couldn't resist._

_"Rose..." he whispered. "I'm so sorry..." he could see the confusion in her eyes. She couldn't feel what he felt, didn't know that they were being pulled apart. That he was leaving her, even though he did not want to._

_A bright light engulfed them, blinding him for a few seconds. Even without his sight he knew she was no longer there. He could not feel the warmth of her soul, of her heart._

_"Rose!" he called out, clawing desperately at the air, trying to remain with her. "Rose I'm sorry! Please let me stay with her!" he called to his unseen captors. "Please let me stay with her!" he felt tears slip from his eyes._

_He hadn't quite got the hang of this emotions malarkey. He was getting there though. This one he supposed, was grief, anguish. It was rather new to him. Why was he feeling it? He hadn't lost her forever, he could go back to her. Eventually. Couldn't he?_

_"Rose!" he gave one last call out to the darkness..._

"Rose!" Steven Alder sat bolt upright in his bed, soaked in sweat. He took a couple of steadying breaths, feeling tears roll down his cheeks. He was crying,but why? His chest felt tight, like something was pulling at his heart. Why? "Rose," he whispered, rocking slightly. "My Rose, what have I done? What have I done?" he ran his hand through his hair and paused. Wait, this wasn't his hair...his hair was longer, ruffled. He only wore it like that because she had insisted on it.

He looked around him. This wasn't his room...where was he?

He blinked and the uncertainty faded. The dream however lingered. Just as a dream however. He was Steven Alder and he was in his bedroom. He felt the tears on his cheeks and frowned. Why was he crying? It had merely been a dream. Nothing more.

It wasn't like that had really happened...

**Again I know this chapter was a little odd, but I felt the Doctor and Rose needed a little time. Things are starting to get rolling now...it's about to get interesting. Please Review!**


	7. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form**

**Five**

"Where is he?" Peter Michaels gazed around the common room determined to locate Steven Alder. He had requested that the boy came to see him that morning but he had not appeared. "The Unit" was due to asses him today and his parents had not attended the meeting he had scheduled. Not that that was any surprise.

What did surprise him however, was the fact that he had had few complaints about Alder and his behavior this week. He had become almost a model pupil. He wasn't expecting it to last. The boy had phases like this and when he went back to his usual self, he was worse than before. Now was merely the brief calm before the storm.

His eyes settled on the boy. He was sat alone at the far end of the room, deeply engrossed in some task. He approached him quietly, in order to catch a glimpse of what the boy was so interested in.

He was drawing. He had a sketchpad open before him and was in deep concentration. The quality of the drawing amazed Peter Michaels. It was so detailed... It was the face of a young woman, no older than twenty. She had loosely curled hair that fell around her shoulders. Her lips were curved in a half smile as if at some unknown joke, and her eyes...it was the eyes that grabbed the Heads attention the most. They seemed almost alive. They were glittering with some unknown emotion, maybe joy, given her expression. There was such depth there, Michaels felt like he was gazing at a photograph. He felt like he was seeing her soul.

He glanced at Steven, who had yet to acknowledge his presence and was amazed. The boy was smiling as he drew. A smile of recognition, of joy...of love. Such an intense mixture of emotions swam in his eyes that the Head took a step back. Something had changed in the boy.

"That is fantastic Steven." he said sitting beside him. The boy didn't even raise his eyes from the paper in acknowledgment. "Who is it?" he looked around, expecting to see a photograph from which they boy was drawing. Yet there was nothing.

"Rose." Steven finally looked up. "Her name is Rose."

"Oh? And where is this Rose from?"

"I-I-I I don't know sir." Steven stammered unsure of what to say. He saw the Heads' eyes widen in surprise.

"You don't know? Then where did you meet her? I mean you must have met her in order to produce this." Michaels watched the boy closely.

"I can't remember where I met her..."

"Did you ever meet her? Have you ever seen her? Does she even exist." The Head lowered his voice. He was treading on dangerous ground here and he knew it. "are you sure you didn't just make her up?"

"No!" the boy suddenly stood up, shaking slightly. "I did not make her up. She is real! I've seen her!" people were now looking over to them curiously, but Steven went on unperturbed. "I know she is real. I've ..." all of the fight suddenly went out of him. " What do you want anyway? I've got a feeling it wasn't to admire my drawing."

"No, it wasn't." the Head got to his feet. "I would like to see you in my office." he motioned to the boy to bring his things.

Steven got to his feet, uncertainly. Why did the Head want him in his office? He glanced around him, catching Wills eye as he entered the room. He could hear the whispers around him, but what did they know.

"Nothing." he whispered. "They know nothing about her."

_He opened his eyes and immediately wondered if he had as it was still pitch black. He had no idea where he was. Mind you, he supposed this was better than knowing what weird and wonderful alien life form was out there preparing to cause him pain. No wait...scratch that, he'd rather know what alien was out there than be here in this darkness. _

_It wasn't your ordinary darkness. It was thick, heavy, oppressive. He could feel the weight of it pressing down on his chest, his double heart beat somewhat faster than usual. He didn't understand and that unnerved him more than the darkness and the uncertainty. He was a Time Lord. He'd been alive for over 900 years, he had seen it all. Or near enough everything. Why did this darkness scare him so much?_

_It felt alive. Like it was a living being, and that wasn't right. Darkness was, well darkness. Merely he absence of light. It couldn't live. Could it?He shook his head, searching for something to keep him sane. "Rose." he whispered, guilt rising in his chest once more. He had failed her. He had left her when she needed him. He had lost her. He sighed remembering the sound of her voice. He closed his eyes, trying to remember her touch..._

_He opened his eyes, aware of the change in the air around him. He was in an Earth office of some description. Someone was sat opposite him, watching. He didn't like the look in the man's eyes. He tried to get up, tried to move, but could not. His body refused to obey him._

_"Steven..." the man rose from his chair. "Do you know why I've called you in here?"_

_"Steven!" This was new, he could never remember calling himself Steven before. John Smith yes, but never Steven. Even though this was his tenth form, he possessed all of the memories of those that had preceded him. Something wasn't right._

_"No," he felt his lips move. " Why have you called me here sir?" The Doctor was reeling. He had not said that. Someone else was here with him. He caught sight of his reflection in one of the many windows in the office. His "host" for lack of a better word was tall, athletically built. He had blond hair, not quite as long as his was, and intense grey eyes._

_What the hell was going on!_

_"I have asked you here because you have a visitor. One of the psychologists from the adolescent mental health unit is here at my request."_

_"Mental Health?" The Doctor knew enough about humans to understand that this wasn't a good thing. Apparently Steven did too, as he was on his feet. _

_"What! No way! You won't get me back there! I'm not going back to "the Unit!" No way!"_

_"The Unit?" the Doctor muttered to himself. "Why does that sound familiar?" Unable to pinpoint the reason, he squirrelled this information away in his mind. It might come in useful later..._

**Okay, things are starting to get going now. The Doctor has realised something is not right...but what exactly has happened? And what has happened to Rose?**

**Next chapter should by up soon. In the meantime, please review!**


	8. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form.**

_**Bold italic text is the Doctor and his thoughts. Will only be used when this is happening alongside other things.**_

**Six**

_She lay on her bed sobbing, she hadn't done much else for the past couple of days. The Doctor...her Doctor was gone, and she was the only one that seemed to care. Her mum had had few words of comfort for her as she'd always hated the doctor, even slapped him at some point. Rose smiled slightly at that. The Doctor seemed to make a habit of getting slapped by the Tyler women. You would have thought he would have learned the first time through._

_He had left her again. He seemed to be making a nasty habit of that recently. That light...what was it? She rolled onto her back, her mind working ten to the dozen. Something hadn't felt right about that. She remembered his words "Rose, I'm so sorry..." what was he apologising for? Was it for leaving her again?_

_Fresh tears began to fall. Why had he left her when he'd only just returned? Didn't he realise how cruel that was? Mind you the Doctor didn't exactly have a complete handle on his emotions. After all it had only been in his last two or three forms that he had developed human emotions, or at least the capacity to understand them, she didn't quite understand that one._

_"Why Doctor?" she whispered the words she had said so many times in the last few days. "Why did you go?"_

_She didn't expect an answer. That made it all the harder._

"Okay Steven." the man fiddled with a pile of notes. "Do you know why I am here?" When Steven remained stubbornly silent, the man continued. "My name is Doctor Matthews and I'm from the adolescent psychiatric unit..."

"I know where you are from." Steven said icily, glowering at the 'Dr' before him. "I've been there before."

"Well in that case you will understand our concern, Steven. Mr Michaels is rather worried about you. As we all are...I'm here to help you."

**_"Here to help," that was laughable. The Doctor watched the scene through the boys eyes. He had no idea how he'd ended up here, or why, but he figured he may as well do something. 'Don't listen to him kid.' he muttered. 'Don't listen to him.'_**

"Here to help," Steven snorted. "Yeah right. You mean like you helped me last time?" he glowered at the psychologist. "I'm not going back. You can say what you like. There is no way on this Earth, no make that no way in the entire universe that I am going back there."

"Okay," Matthews nodded, scribbling notes down on one of his many forms. "That is understandable Steven, after all that you have been through...why don't you tell me about this girl?" he motioned to Stevens picture. "You say her name is Rose?"

_"**Rose?" The Doctor watched incredulously as the boy looked down at a pencil sketch. It was Rose. His Rose. He felt a lump rise in his throat. The kid knew Rose! But how! He sat forwards, hanging on the boys every word...**_

"Yeah her name is Rose." Steven whispered

"How did you meet her?"

**_"I was just passing through." the Doctor said, smiling at the memory. "She was in trouble, so I helped her...helped so many people. But then I let her down."_**

"How Steven? How did you let her down?"

_**"I left her behind." The Doctor said simply, ignoring the usage of the boys name. "Then I found her again. Even after all these years, after all the trouble I have caused her, she still knew me. Still wanted to be with me."**_

_**"**_What do you mean 'trouble you caused her?'" Dr Matthews was leaning forward in his seat now, clearly interested. The boy was beginning to open up. Or so it seemed.

**_"Well, let's see...I've been responsible for her being hurt several times, nearly killed. She's been kidnapped, bashed, bruised physically hurt, emotionally hurt so many times that I've given up counting, and all because of me..." he buried his face in his hands. "and now I've lost her again...It's all my fault."_**

"Okay Steven," Matthews began gathering up his papers, clearly unnerved by the boys revelations. "Does Rose have a surname?"

**_"Tyler...Rose Tyler." A smile crept across his face. "London girl born and raised."_**

"London?" Matthews was scribbling away. "I thought you couldn't remember where you met her?"

**_"I never said that!" The Doctor snapped. "I remember..." he faded away, feeling something pushing him away._**

_**"**_Steven...what do you remember about Rose?" but the boy refused to answer. Matthews noticed that his eyes were slightly unfocused. The boy seemed a little dazed and confused. "Okay Steven, we'll leave it there for today. I am going get in touch with your parents for a chat and I will also talk to Mr Michaels about today. Is that okay?"

"Sure, whatever." he muttered. "You're going to tell them anyway. Can I go now then?"

"By all means..." Dr Matthews had barely finished his sentence and the boy was gone. Todays session had given him cause for concern. Before talking to Steven, Dr Matthews had spoken to Peter Michaels. He had said that Steven had no idea when he had met Rose, or where she was from...yet hadn't the boy just told him all of that?

What worried him most was what the boy had told him about Rose. What did he mean by all the pain he had caused her? Had he been the one that inflicted it? It disturbed him to think that a seventeen year old could be responsible for harming another in such a way. It seemed like the best thing for everyone was to re-admit Steven to "the Unit."

_**"What the heck just happened!" The Doctor found himself in the darkness once more. One moment he was talking about Rose...the next he was back here. For a moment he felt like he was him again...even though he knew he wasn't. He was somehow sharing the body of a seventeen year old human. He had no idea how it had happened, but it had so he was going to have to live with it. At least until he figured out how to reverse the process.**_

_**There was something about the boy though. Something familiar. The Doctor couldn't quite pin it down though.**_

_**So...any good? Please let me know what you think about this story so far! Please!**_

_**Review!**_


	9. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way, shape or form.**

**Seven**

_"Why Doctor? Why did you go?" her words ran through his head as though on a continuous loop. It was all he could think of._

_"Rose!" he called, feeling his chest grow tighter at the sound of her voice. "I didn't leave you! I had no choice!...Please Rose..." he could see her now, her beautiful eyes filled with tears. "Please believe me."_

_"Why Doctor?" she asked once more. "Why should I believe you?"_

_He was losing her, losing his Rose..._

_**The Doctor watched with interest. The boy, Steven was dreaming. Dreaming about Rose. Dreaming his dreams. The Doctor knew them well. What did that mean? Was it merely coincidence? Or something more? Were he and the boy one and the same? Was the boy one of his regenerations? He was running through those rather quickly these days, he needed to stop that. After all, it couldn't go on forever.**_

_**No. That couldn't be right. If he had been forced to regenerate, he'd remember. He still had the memories from the regeneration of his ninth form, could still remember the pain. He didn't have any of that now. Besides, he stared down at his hands. He was still himself, looked the same as his tenth form. Yet he shared the boys thoughts, his body... was that because he had no form himself?**_

_**He felt the boy toss and turn rather violently in his sleep. He was caught in the grasp of some nightmare. Whatever it was was causing the boy to writhe as though with pain. The Doctor decided to investigate further. He let himself slip back into the boys' thoughts...**_

_He was in a cell. A cold, dark metal box. He could feel the cool steel against his cheek as he lay battered in a corner. **The Doctor heard himself gasp as he took in the scene. **Everything hurt, his limbs felt heavy, his head fuzzy. As he pulled himself into a sitting position, a faint groan escaped his cracked and bleeding lips. He just sat there._

_**"Why don't I do something?" The Doctor muttered from his position of spectator. "Why don't I fight? I could get out of this easily, what with the sonic screwdriver and all..."**_

_A scream rent the air. A woman. He sat up a little straighter, fight coming back into his eyes. Suddenly the door to his prison burst open and something was thrown in. He watched unmoving as the bundle hit the floor rather hard and the door closed with a clang._

_The bundle groaned slightly, pulling itself into a tighter ball. Even though the sound was barely audiable, he knew to whom belonged. He was instantly across the cell, kneeling by its side. "Rose." he murmured, voice breaking. "Rose is that you?"_

_"Doc'r" she winced through swollen lips, trying to pull herself round to face him. Her lips were swollen and bleeding and one of her eyes was blackened. She was hunched over, an arm curled protectively round her abdomen._

_**He felt his stomach churn violently as he looked upon the bruised and battered face of his companion. "What the hell happened?" he whispered, devoting his full attention to the boys dream...**_

_"It's me Rose" and despite the pain it caused him, he pulled her close. "I'm right here."_

_"What's going to happen to us?" she whispered, panic beginning to set in. "Doctor how are we..."_

_"I'll think of something." he whispered, stroking her hair in an attempt to reassure her. "I'll think of something..."_

_**I know this was a really short chapter and you have my apologies. Its main purpose was to lay the foundations for later stuff and to give you some idea of why the doctor is where he is.**_

_**I'm just about to start my AS Level exams, I've got my French speaking exam tomorrow...this was kind of written in my hour off from preparation. Anyway, please tell me what you think. I hope to update later this week, that is if I don't get too bogged down with revision or panic about tomorrows exam, and my German speaking on Friday!**_


	10. Chapter 8

**Sorry that it has taken me so long to update, but I've had loads of exams to contend with. Have finished now though so hopefully can make some progress here...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way shape or form.**

**Eight**

**_"Rose..." he breathed, unable to stop the tears that ran down his face. Hmm...this one was new to him, what was this emotion? Fear? Grief? Pain? Sadness? Anger? He couldn't decide. There were so many thought running through his head that it hurt._**

_**Pain... Even now the memory remained. He could still feel that endless aching that gripped his body whilst he lay in the cell, cradling his Rose.**_

_**Rose...how could he do this to her? He'd promised her that he would get them out, that they would be okay...all he'd managed was to get them separated. That and somehow get himself trapped in the body of a seventeen year old human, for whom things weren't looking too rosy...he wasn't the only one with problems then... He couldn't suppress the sobs any longer. He placed his head in his hands, pressing his fingers against his eyes, trying to block out the memories and the pain that was rushing over him...**_

_He gazed down into her gorgeous eyes. Eyes that seemed to hold the world...or at least they held his world...she was his world, she was the one that made everything worth while. **Getting sentimental in my old age.** He smiled slightly, regretting it instantly as pain shot through his jaw. He wouldn't let her go...no,make that he couldn't let her go. He needed her, like he'd never needed anyone before...she was good for him,she just felt right and when she wasn't by his side,all he could do was think about her. He missed her so much when she wasn't there..._

_He didn't know how long they were there,in the cell, and quite frankly he didn't care. They were safe,at least for the moment. They were being given time to recover. Or at least he was recovering. He now looked almost normal, the swelling on his face was gone, granted there was a vast purple bruise stretching across the left of his face,but he could life with that. The sickening pounding in his head had stopped and he could finally think clearly. Granted he still ached in places he didn't realise could ache,but that wasn't the point. It was bearable now, he was back in control...sort of._

_Rose though...it pained him to see her like this. Her face was still a blackened mass of bruising,that ranged from a yellowy colour, right through to a deep,dark purple. Her lips were still swollen,making speech nigh on impossible for her. The rest of her wasn't much better...even breathing caused her pain, she was so battered. Her eyes though...that's what scared him the most. He knew that humans were a fragile species and took on heck of a long time to recuperate,especially after the sort of battering she had endured...but they endured,survived and came through it, somewhat unchanged. Not Rose though,he could see that. There was none of that sparkle in her eyes now,that fiery spirit, that love of life...she had been battered,beaten and now,thanks to him,finally broken...he was losing her...and all because of his own stubbornness...maybe it was time to accept their terms..._

Steven sighed as he sat in the sterile waiting room of the hospital. He hated this place, with its crisp white décor and rooms totally devoid of character. It was unnatural. He wasn't sure why he'd even bothered coming today...no make that he knew why he had come...because he had no other choice, his parents were threatening to throw him out if he didn't go back. What were his dads words? Oh yeah "You can forget about staying here, you need help Steven, we can't risk having you here...you are too dangerous."Him dangerous! He'd been called many things over the last few years, 'freak,' 'psycho,' you know,the usual stuff. But never dangerous...and certainly not by his own parents.

That hurt,much to his surprise. He'd long given up caring about what others thought of him, but even then he still trusted and believed in his parents...believed that they would stand by him...but no...that final,childish delusion had been taken from him. He sighed, staring at the blank wall before him. They were all he stayed for, he believed his leaving would be unfair on them,cause them unnecessary pain...but now...

Steven got to his feet and strode from the room,head held high. He glanced quickly over his shoulder but kept on walking. The receptionist looked up as he passed,but didn't try to stop him...after all, it wasn't her job. He walked out into the sunlight,pausing for a brief moment to enjoy the feel of the sun on his skin. He felt in his pocket for his wallet and began to make his way to the town centre. He knew where he was going. He had to find her...


	11. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way shape or form.**

**Nine**

Rose Tyler sighed to herself as she wandered the empty isles of the department store in which she worked. Granted it wasn't the most exciting job, but the pay was good...plus it kept her mind from him... Damn it,she'd done it again. He always did this to her, crept into her thoughts when she least expected him, when she didn't want him to. She was trying to forget him, and she was doing quite well, even if she did say so herself. She and Mickey were...well happy,for lack of a better word, but there was still something missing...something that she could never have again unless she was with him.

Who was she kidding? She couldn't forget him,no matter how hard she tried. She didn't want to forget him. Sarah Jane had been right. You couldn't just forget the Doctor. She'd taken her aside before she had gone and Rose could still remember what the older woman had told her.

_"I thought I loved him, once, and I thought he loved me...but seeing him with you now,makes me see just how wrong I was...he didn't love me...not like he does you...He'll realise sooner or later what he has in you. You complete him, make sure you don't lose him. He's one hell of a special guy, the kind you meet only once in a lifetime, but the kind that leaves footprints in your heart that never go away."_

She'd been right, Rose cared deeply for the man they called the Doctor. With his floppy brown hair and brown overcoat, he was quite a character really. She continued her rounds,locking up the store. After completing this night time ritual, she pulled on her jacket and headed out into the cold night air.

She didn't know where she was going, she just let herself walk, as she became caught up in her memories of the Doctor. Before she knew it, she found herself on the river bank, facing the London Eye, which had once been used as a giant transmitter by the Nestene Consciousness...the very reason for her meeting the Doctor in the first place.

"Where are you Doctor?" she asked the night, for what must have been the hundredth time since her return. She had very few memories of what had happened during that last 'adventure' with the Doctor. The details were fuzzy, it was like trying to hold water in your hands; no matter how hard you tried to hold on to it,it trickled away slowly and in fact, the more you fought,the quicker it trickled away. Something wasn't right, why couldn't she remember? Whenever she tried, she could feel his presence in her mind. Why was that? Was there something that he didn't want her to see?

Why?

She had to find him, or at least, find out what had happened to make him leave...

Steven sat stiffly in his seat. He was only part way through his journey and he was bored to death already. He was aching all over, joints stiff. He allowed his head to rest against the cool window pane, watching the scenery flash by. His head was throbbing, like someone was pounding the inside of his skull with a hammer. He was feeling somewhat nauseous. He shook his head slightly in a vain attempt to clear it. It would all be worth it in the end, he sighed deeply. Once he got to London, he would find her...

_The Doctor opened his eyes slowly, fighting the urge to be sick. Bus journeys just did not agree with him one little bit. The boy was on his way to London,that much he knew. He wanted to find Rose,and the Doctor could not help the trepidation in his stomach. His body tingled with anticipation, the thought of seeing her again..._

_Then it hit him...this boy...this Steven... he looked nothing like him, looked nothing like the Doctor she remembered. Even if he did manage to find her...she'd never believe him,not in a million years. She'd had a hard enough time accepting him when he regenerated, and she'd been there throughout the process...oh God. He sighed once more,feeling even more nauseous, something he would not have believed possible._

_He fiddled with the sonic screwdriver that was buried deep in his pocket. That was another issue...that cell...everything that happened up there, she wouldn't remember very much of it, if anything,he'd made sure of that. He hadn't wanted to...God it hurt him so much to have to do what he did. But they'd left him no choice. To ensure her survival, he'd sacrificed himself...and he couldn't let her remember that...the guilt would destroy her._

_So he'd invaded her mind, much like he was doing with this boy Steven,except he had the power to alter hers, erase or modify specific moments as he saw fit. That was exactly what he did. He made sure she had no recollection of their capture or imprisonment...or their final goodbye..._

_**"Rose..." he held her at arms length, avoiding her eyes. "I'm going to send you back to Earth in the TARDIS. It's all pre-programmed so you don't have to do a thing."**_

_**"But what about you? How will you..."**_

_**"Don't worry about me..." he offered her his usual half smile. "I'm a survivor, I've got my own way out." He held her tighter,not wanting to let her go, knowing then that he'd be lucky if he ever saw her again.**_

_**She seemed to sense his inner conflict, as she reached up to his face and brushed his hair from his eyes. "What is it? Doctor,what are you going to do?"**_

_**"Don't worry about that...don't worry about me..." he pulled away from her and began leading her to the TARDIS. "You just concentrate on getting yourself back to Earth. I'll find you again." He opened the door,to be confronted by the comforting hum of the TARDIS. "Do this for me Rose."**_

_**She hesitated in the doorway, the sudden realisation that he was saying goodbye...talking as though he would never see her again. "Doctor please,let me stay with you..."**_

_**"No." he shook his head,trying to keep his emotions in check. "You mean too much to me Rose, I can't risk you."**_

_**"Please..." her voice cracked as her resolve crumbled, tears running down her cheeks.**_

_**"I love you Rose Tyler..." he whispered,wiping her tears with his thumb. His hand remained on the side of her face, his own emotions threatening to overpower him. "Always have..." he leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers. A feeling like electricity shot through his body at her touch...it was so unlike the last time he'd kissed her...the kiss that had saved her life and killed him,causing him to take on his current form. He felt her arms around his neck as he snaked his arms around her waist,pulling her closer. He never wanted this moment to end...he never wanted to let her go.**_

_**Reluctantly he broke their embrace. "...and I always will." he breathed,kissing her gently, before turning and beginning his long walk away. Away from Rose. Away from the one that made him feel complete. He heard her sob as he continued walking,his own tears now flowing freely. He did not turn,just continued walking...it was the hardest thing he had ever done...not to look back. Then he heard the familiar whirring of the TARDIS...then silence. Only then did he allow himself to turn...when he knew she was gone,knew she was safe.**_

_**"How very touching" came a voice from the shadows. "I never thought I would see the day when a Time Lord cried for someone other than himself."**_

_**The Doctor his gaze, his head held high, standing as tall and as proud as he could. "Shows how much you know about Time Lords."**_

_**The creature laughed deep in its throat. "We have kept our side of the bargain. Now it is your turn." The Doctor merely nodded and strode into the inner sanctum of the ship. To face his destiny.**_

_No, the Doctor thought. He could not allow her to remember that. He'd opened his heart to her that day,and it scared him. He had to protect her from the pain he had caused. He could not destroy her with those three little words..._

_I love you._


	12. Chapter 10

**Ten**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way shape or form.**

He stood, looking out at the River Thames. This was his first time in London and he couldn't help the awe he felt as he gazed out at the night time skyline.

He watched his breathe spiral away from him in a smoky plume. He hadn't expected it to be this cold...he stomped his feet, rubbing his hands together to eek some warmth into them. He'd already found a place to sleep...there was a bus shelter about ten minutes walk back along the bank. It was as good a place as any.

He smiled slightly. What would Will say if he knew? It didn't bear thinking about really. His parents...what must they think? He'd blown whatever chance of reconciliation he had...he was on his own now...bitter tears began to roll down his cheeks, tears that he wished he was not crying. He didn't even know why he was crying, or indeed, who he was crying for...was it himself?...his parents?...Rose?...Even through his tears he smiled slightly...before succumbing completely to his grief. He slumped down, staring out over the water, knees drawn up to his chest. The sobs wracked his body...and still the Darkness deepened.

_The Doctor couldn't stand it. The pain he was feeling...it wasn't his own, that much he knew...that didn't stop it hurting...the pounding in his skull had resumed, far more intense than before._

_How could humans stand it! This helplessness, this...what was the word?...Grief, this anguish. He knew that this feeling belonged to the 'Kid.' No...he paused, thinking, his vision blurring due to the pain. It wasn't just grief, it didn't just belong to the 'Kid.' This pounding in his head for a start was proof of that. Grief didn't cause pain of that magnitude, didn't cause sharp, stabbing pains in his chest and other limbs._

_His breathe caught in his chest as he fought to hold on...the Darkness was coming..._

"_I love you Rose..." _a voice whispered in her mind as she lay trapped within the thralls of her nightmare. She could smell blood, hear screaming, calls of pain. Suffering. Yet she didn't know where she was. Nothing was familiar. She could feel _him _though. She knew he was there, could feel his arms around her...could feel his warmth.

"I love you too..." she murmured, turning into him, trying to bury herself in his chest. Only there was nothing there. The presence that surrounded her was gone. She found herself leaning on a cold, stone wall, chills striking up through her body. "Doctor..." she could feel the tears welling, threatening to fall. Then there were footsteps..strong measured and calculated. Then a door opened nearby. Strong arms seized her, pulling her to her feet. She felt pain rush through her, stopping all conscious thought.

"He's left you..." a voice hissed in her ear. "Thrown you aside like he always does..."

"No!" she called out, almost flying from her bed. Sweat was pouring down her brow. "Doctor..." she choked out his name, her breath coming in short sharp gasps. "Please no..." she shook her head, trying to clear her head, trying to forget him. Even though she knew that was impossible.

Filled with a sudden burst of nervous energy, she pulled on her jeans and trainers, grabbing a fleece and heading for the door. She needed to get out...somewhere...she just didn't known where...

**First of all I would like to offer my most sincere apologies for the serious delay in my updating. I've had major issues with my computer (someone spilt tea all over the keyboard which stopped it working) and I've also had (and still sort of have) a serious case of writers block with regards to this story. I know where its going to go eventually, I just can't figure out how to get there! Its very frustrating!**

**Suggestions and reviews would be greatly appreciated.**


	13. Chapter 11

Before I start this chapter, can I just offer my most profuse apologies for the distinct lack of updates. I've had computer issues, personal issues and major exams to contend with...all that and a serious case of writers block does not bode well for any story. Anyway, hopefully updates will be a bit more frequent now...especially since I've got this next chapter out of the way. It was so difficult to write.

Any suggestions and reviews will be greatly appreciated. 

Sorry again! That said...on with the story...

**Eleven**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who in any way shape or form.**

She sighed, pulling her jacket closer to her body in an attempt to keep warm. Night time London was far from the warmest place, especially at this time of year. She dragged her feet slightly, kicking a plastic bottle before her. She watched it roll away, rattle and shudder to a stop, before she was beside it once more, ready to kick it away again.

_'I love you Rose Tyler...Always have...always will.' _his voice echoed in her ears as she walked along the river bank. Before she knew it, she was running, her feet pounding the tarmac. She ran and ran, trying as hard as she could to outrun the voice in her mind. Even though she knew it was hopeless...she'd never been able to leave him behind, no matter how hard she tried.

"Doctor." she whispered, finally slowing, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. "Doctor, where are you?" she wrapped her hands around the cold metal bars that served as safety rails along the river. "Please come back...please...I-I-I love you." Tears began to slide down her cheeks once more as the realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks. "I love you too Doctor...yet I never told you...I've always loved you..." she buried her face in her arms, leaning on the barriers, the tears falling all the faster. They were now the only things keeping her on her feet.

"Erm...excuse me miss." someone cleared their throat. Someone close by...someone all too familiar. "are you alright?"

That voice...she recognised it. It was a voice that had haunted her dreams and waking moments for too long. A voice that she had missed...it couldn't be him...there was something in it, some tone that she didn't recognise, didn't want to acknowledge...she had become a stranger to him... he didn't know her!

That was enough to make her raise her head, her honey blonde hair falling from her face in waves. She looked up at _the voice_, expecting deep brown chocolatey eyes...expecting the Doctor. Instead she found herself looking deep into the stormy grey eyes, so unlike _his, _of a teenage boy. "I'm sorry..." she shook her head slightly, trying to clear it. "yeah I'm fine...just fine." her voice faded slightly as she met his eyes once more, tears still damp on her cheeks.

He was staring at her with a fierce intensity, the way _he _looked at her when he thought she wasn't watching. She saw such a mix of emotions there, just under the surface. All fighting for dominance. It unnerved her. She was just about to walk away, when he spoke once more. His voice very different to before.

"_**Rose?!"**_

Steven was slumped in the cold concrete box that was serving as his bedroom. He couldn't help but shiver as dampness seeped up through his sleeping bag. He was immensely glad that he hadn't followed his first instinct and left this behind, as he was still bitterly cold, even with the down cocoon.

He'd been laid there for hours now, and still sleep refused to come. His mind just wouldn't let him succumb to the warm realms of sleep. It insisted on torturing him with her face, her voice, her scent. He shook his head slightly, sighing angrily. There was no point in him just lying there freezing...maybe if he went for a walk he could clear his head enough to finally get some rest.

As he pulled himself from his sleeping bag, he was dimly aware of hurried footfalls on the path along the river bank. Not wanting to be seen,he withdrew into the shadows as far as he could. He could see who it was now and breathed a sigh of relief. It was a girl...just a girl,maybe a couple of years older than himself. Her blonde hair billowed out in a sheet behind her as she ran.

Wait...Stevens mind began to kick in. Why was she running? In fact why was she out at this time? It was gone midnight...maybe she was out with friends? No that didn't seem right. She wasn't dressed up, and Steven had heard no other voices or footsteps on the path. So she was alone...Why? You heard all sorts of horrible stories about women that had been walking alone and had been attacked...wait...was that it? Was she running from someone that had tried to hurt her? Or worse...had already hurt her? There may have been a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why this solitary young woman had been running down the path at midnight, but it didn't occur to him. All that was running through his mind was that someone may have hurt her...

He stuffed his bag into a dark corner and stepped out onto the path, looking left, after the girl. There she was...barely a hundred meters away, just down the steps, head resting in her arms. He approached cautiously. If she was running from someone, he didn't want to spook her or scare her anymore than she already was. He stopped a few feet away. Close enough to help, far enough away not to threaten.

"Erm..." he cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. "Excuse me miss...are you alright?" he was surprised by the speed that her head snapped up. Her eyes were wide, her face shining with freshly shed tears. He found himself hating the person that had made her cry. She seemed familiar somehow, like he'd met her before... her eyes were staring straight into his, searching for something...he didn't know what, but he hoped, oh he hoped that she would find it.

Then she dropped her eyes, refusing to look at him and he could see fresh tears threatening to fall. "I'm sorry..." she whispered, regaining her composure. "Yeah, I'm fine...just fine..." she looked at him again, her voice fading. A jolt of recognition ran through him. He knew her! He knew who she was...

"**Rose?!"**

**The Doctor couldn't believe it. Of all the places, in all the ways it could have happened, the boy had found her! He couldn't help but smile. He had hoped he would find her, but hadn't really believed it could happen...**

**Yet here she was, standing before him, beautiful as ever. Even with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. He knew now who she was crying for...who had made her cry. It was his fault. He could see it in her eyes. He sighed, hating himself. It was all his fault...maybe if he hadn't wiped her memory...maybe if she remembered...No. He couldn't afford to think like that. What was done could not be undone...at least not yet.**

**"Rose." he whispered again, still not quite believing she was there before him. "Rose it's me..." he reached for her, intending to take her in his arms. Only to have her push him away, stumbling backwards slightly. Fear had appeared in her eyes, a fear he had not seen since _that _day.**

**She was scared of him.**

**"No." she whispered, shaking her head violently. "No, it can't be...you can't be...you're not him." she turned... and she ran. Ran from him. Her Doctor.**


	14. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Doctor Who**

**Twelve

* * *

**

_"Rose..." the Doctor sighed, gazing into the darkness surrounding him. He knew now where he was; he was trapped inside the boys mind. He had somehow been forced from his own body and into that of a host. He shook his head, sighing. Not that that helped him or was really anything new, it was what he'd already expected._

_The question was, how was he going to get back?...and 'IF' he could. He was obviously still alive, otherwise he wouldn't exist. The mind, or rather the brain had to be preserved, and in order to do that, his body needed to be preserved...it reminded him of Cassandra and her 'life.'...he gulped. At least he hoped so..._

_"Hang on," the Doctor slowly pulled himself to his feet, a light flickering in his mind. Cassandra...how had she survived...Chip had cared for her...sooo...he began pacing...someone must be caring for him...then she'd compressed Rose' mind so she could control her body, then she'd taken her body and...WAIT. The Doctor began back pedalling to seize the idea that he had just found. The compression field. His pacing increased...a sudden burst of hope skipped through his veins, giving him a burst of energy._

_The compression field. That was the key to it all. That had to be it...it just had to be...he ran his fingers through his copper hair...it had to be._

* * *

She leant against the metal railing, chin on her hands, breathing rapidly. She didn't know how far she had run. All she knew was that she had to put as much distance between the Doctorand her as she could. No...wait...back up... t wasn't him...It couldn't be him...He wasn't _her_ Doctor

'Why not?' a nagging part of her mind prodded. 'Why can't it be him? Maybe he's just regenerated?' After all, it wasn't unheard of, after all she'd seen it happen with her own two eyes. Maybe he gets younger with each regeneration, a kind of reversed death...you know, dying because he was too young...

'It can't be him.' another part of her brain insisted. 'It just can't be him. It's just some silly little boy from the estate trying to get a reaction...trying it on, trying to humiliate you. Pull yourself together Rose, you aren't some silly little school girl now. Stop imagining things that aren't there.

His eyes...her mind drifted to the boy's eyes. She saw beyond his sandy hair and stormy eyes. There was something there, buried deep down. Some spark in the boy that was calling out to her. Only to her. Something that was pulling her in and holding her captivated...something safe...something warm...something familiar...something definitely alien.

It was then she felt a presense.

She should have known then...

* * *

"Rose." he whispered, the words catching in his throat, coming out as little more than a rasp. "My Rose." Something within him knew, even then that it wasn't real, that it was all a dream. That small, almost insignificant part of him was overwhelmed by the rest of his being. He ached with need to see Rose. So he believed.

"Doctor?" he could hear the confusion in her voice, could feel her worry. Her fear, and that scared him more than this bizarre hallucination. She was scared of him.

"It's me Rose. It's me." his tone was gentle. He did not want to scare her off, not now that they had found each other...

"Doctor?!" she whispered, disbelieving, coming a fraction closer...reaching for him...then...he felt something pulling him back into the boys mind, pulling him from Rose. He could hear her voice, smell her scent, feel her presence. _He was with her! She was right there! He was not going to lose her again... certainly not like this..._ He wanted to reach out to her, to hold her, but he couldn't. Something was pressing down upon his chest, preventing his rising. He saw her pull back, saw the fear in her eyes intensify.

_"Fight Doc'" he said through gritted teeth. "Fight for her like you should have done a long time ago. You can't leave her again...and you know you can't."_

"Rose!" he called, reaching, finally rising, regaining himself, forcing the boy into some small recess of his own mind. Too late. She was fading, backing away into the gloom, her fear all too clear. It broke his heart all over again to see her like that. He had promised never to hurt her, yet he had already done so by leaving her. Now here he was doing the same thing all over again.

"I don't know who you are..." her voice carried on an invisible wind. "I don't..." she backed further away, shrinking before his eyes, changing from the confident young woman he knew, to a frightened little girl, tears rolling from her eyes. All because of him...and he hated himself for it.

"Rose, it's me!" he breathed, tears running down his own cheeks, unnoticed until now. "Please believe me Rose...I know it's hard..." he shook his head. "I still don't believe it myself...I mean...I know I haven't regenerated...I'd remember something that spectacularly painful happening..." he saw her expression tighten slightly at the mention of regeneration...knew that the memory of his last one was still fresh in her mind. She'd had to watch him die that day...then had to get to know him all over again. Just another example of how he'd let her down...how he'd left her. His guilt intensified as he looked up into her eyes. He saw so much pain, so much suffering, such misery...and it was all because of him. "but know this Rose Tyler. I need you. Always have...always will. Right from the moment I took your hand in that silly little Earth department store and told you to run..." he scrubbed at his face. "and that's all you've done since isn't it? Run. I never gave you any other choice; always got us into some scrape that had us running for our lives." he looked up at her sadly. "Then you ran from me, and I guess you have every reason to Rose. I mean I look like some silly adolescent _thatched _ape. That much is true...physically...I'm not who I was..."

He stepped towards her slowly and she didn't pull away. She just stood there, staring at him, a slight frown gracing her features. "But I can be...I know how I can fix this...and besides...the boy, Steven, he isn't all that bad. When you've shared someones mind for as long as I have his...then you get used to it." he sighed. "Rose?" he closed the distance between them. Please say something to me. Anything."

* * *

She blinked slowly, swallowing rapidly, trying to stem the tears that were still flowing freely. She had promised herself that she would never cry over him again...yet here she was doing exactly that. She was crying over a ghost.

She watched his hands as he held them out to her. She watched as her own hands seemed to take on a mind of their own. Her head was screaming at her to get out, not to touch him, but to turn and run once more. Her heart was screaming for her to take the boy's hands in hers.

As his larger, rougher hands closed around hers, their fingers intertwining, she felt something. Something warm, something safe, something oh so familiar.

She knew then

* * *

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**Sorry about the delay getting this out, but I've had lots going on...always my excuse I know, but hey... Also had a mild case of writers block...I hate that! Anyway, this chapter was hard to write, and not entirely how I imagined it would be. I'm not completely happy with it so it may change slightly in the near future...**

**Anyway...you know what to do...reviews are most welcome, as are any suggestions or critisisms you may have.**

**Thanks for reading...Will update soon as it's half term next week. Thank goodness...a college free week, absolute bliss.**


	15. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Doctor Who**

**Thirteen.**

She knew then...

"Doctor?!" she whispered, gazing down at their intertwined hands in wonder. She took in every line on the pale skin, every blemish. They were so different to those of the man she had come to love...yet it was still him. It had to be. No one else had made her feel this way just by taking her hands. Not even Mickey.

"Rose?!" he whispered, the same wonder creeping into his voice. He could see his emotions mirrored in her eyes. He could see his world in her eyes. "Oh Rose..." he pulled her to him, throwing his arms round her...never wanting to let her go. He felt her tense slightly, then she relaxed, moulding herself to him. He could feel her single heart beat mirroring his own dual pounding.

In that moment, only for that moment, it was as though she'd never left. Like they were both still in the TARDIS. Yet like every good moment, it had to end. She held onto his shirt, reaching for the familiar lapels of his brown overcoat...only they weren't there...

She pulled away, looking up at him...blond hair, downcast grey eyes...it wasn't him. He wasn't her Doctor...He suddenly let his arms fall to his sides, releasing her. It was almost as though he had read her mind.

"Doctor?!" She asked uncertain. For all that she didn't know who he was, she missed the feeling of his arms around her. Missed the comfort and the sense of safety they gave her.

"Rose I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." he sighed deeply, and for a moment she could she him, her Doctor, in the boy's eyes. She knew that had he had his overcoat, his hands would be stuffed deep into the pockets, he would have been rocking back and forth on his heels. Sure enough, no sooner than the thought crossed her mind, he began rocking, hands behind his back. She couldn't help the small smile that crept onto her lips. "Because I'm not him...not me" he shook his head slightly. "Something happened Rose...that day...and I don't know what. One minute I was me...the next..." he gestured expansively to himself. "All I knew was that I needed to find you...needed to make sure you were alright...needed to say how sorry I was...for leaving you...for send..." he caught himself before he revealed the true events of that day. She wasn't ready for that...neither was he.

"Oh." she said thickly, feeling the tears well up once more. After all this time...just when she'd finally decided to try and move on, he was there again. He changed again...

"Are you okay?" he ventured, uncertain, feeling horrible for making her cry again.

"No." she muttered. "It's not okay. _I'm _not okay." she stepped away from him. "You've done it again. Pulled the rug out from under my feet. I thought I knew you...I did know you, and now...you've gone and changed...again..." she shook her head. "I don't think I can cope with that again...I don't want to cope with that again." her voice grew stronger, more certain. "Maybe I would be better if you just left... if you hadn't come back..."

Her words cut into the Doctor like knives. Such pain...it felt like both his hearts were breaking. "Rose..." he breathed, tears escaping from his own eyes, leaving salty trails in their wake. "This isn't my fault... I didn't want any of this...if I could take it back I would. But I can't." he had to make her understand. "I didn't choose this Rose. I had no choice...It was...I had a choice...I mean..." he sighed in frustration. " You don't understand..."

"No Doctor, I don't." she agreed. "So tell me...help me understand."

"I can't." he whispered, shaking his head. "It will only make things worse... Rose please, just trust me..."

"I can't...because you're not him." She turned away from him. "Goodbye Doc... Steven." she corrected herself. "Goodbye Steven." there was such coldness in her voice...such an air of finality that the Doctors hearts twinged once more. They were breaking all over again.

"Rose..." he called after her, his voice catching in his throat. "Rose please!" she didn't look back, didn't even flinch. "It's not my fault...for once it truly is not my fault. Rose please..." he hated the pleading tone that crept into his voice. He had never had to beg for anything before...but he needed her to understand. "Rose please." he whispered, his throat constricted as the tears fell once more.

She was gone. Again. He'd lost her once more...and this time...he didn't think he'd get her back. It was then the dam broke. Everything that he had kept hidden, everything that had ever hurt him, from the fall of the Time Lords...till today. Everything came pouring out. He slumped down, right there on the footpath...

He cried. Cried for everything he had ever lost, for every hurt he'd ever received, because in the end...they all came back to her. They all came back to Rose. Without her... he was nothing, he had nothing. The darkness deepened, and still the tears fell...

Somewhere a Storm was brewing...

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**Not quite the reunion the Doctor was hoping for... Just the opposite in fact. Hopefully I'll get another chapter out soon...maybe even today if you're really lucky, failing that, some stage this week.**

**Thanks for sticking with this story so far, I know it can get a little bit confusing...but never fear...soon we will be back in the TARDIS, for _proper _Doctor Who adventures...sort of...**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, as are any suggestions/criticisms/ improvements that you think need to be made. Also, any suggestions as to what it was that held Rose and the Doctor in that cell are more than welcome...**

* * *

**Also, I'e just read through the previous chapters and noticed several typing errors. Sorry about that. I rarely notice errors when typing...at least not for several months. I'll go back and fix those at some stage though. If you do notice any, feel free to point them out. It would be most helpful.**


	16. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Doctor Who**

**Fourteen**

Steven lay huddled deep within his sleeping bag, but still the chill struck up from the concrete below him. Not that he cared much. His head hurt so much...a dull thumping, like someone was pounding on the inside of his skull; a pain so intense that it blurred his vision. His eyes were still red and puffy from all the tears he had cried.

Why had he cried? He couldn't remember exactly. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to get a firmer grip on the memory. There had been a girl...a blonde girl...she'd shouted at him...she'd turned from him...she had cried...he had cried... his heart...such pain...Rose. It had to be her, she was his reason for being here. Not that it answered his question. He still did not know why he cried.

"Rose." he whispered to the night as he drifted off to sleep. He needed to find her...needed to find out why...

* * *

_She was running. Running as hard and as fast as she could to get away from him. She needed to get out, get away. Even being around him for that small period of time had confused her...re-awakened feelings in her that she'd tried so hard to bury._

_She loved him. It was as simple as that. No matter how hard she tried to deny it. She loved the Doctor with all her heart. She slowed to a stop, her heart racing in her chest. She loved him...the realisation ran through her head, shaking her to her core. She had been running for so long, be that with with the Doctor or without him...that she'd failed to see what was right before her eyes._

_She sighed, leaning once more on the railings by the river. It had taken her so long to realise, now she'd lost the only man she'd ever truly loved. She could say that, as it was true. There was Jimmy Stone...her only excuse was that she had been young and he had said the right things...then there was Mickey...he was nice, he was, well, Mickey...he was enough for her...until the Doctor._

_The Doctor. She couldn't help the smile on her lips. He was everything she wanted, and needed. He was good for her...true he was dangerous...but wasn't everyone? She sighed angrily. He had her, always had. From that very first moment, from his very first word...run...and she did...always would. As long as she had him. As long as she was his...Always with the Doctor. She took a breath, making her choice...choosing her side. She turned, starting back into the darkness. Back to **her** Doctor..._

_...The Storm was building, coming before the New Dawn._

* * *

**The Doctor was crying...sobbing his heart out. Or should that be hearts? He didn't care. Not any more. He had lost her, **_his_** Rose. The one thing that made his life worthwhile. No one had made him feel like this before. Not one of his previous companions, not even Sarah Jane had made him feel like this. It had taken this...this mere slip of a girl, barely more than a child herself, to make him see. To make him live. To make him love. Only now was he prepared to face the horrors of the Time War...because he knew she was there. She was his rock, his tether to reality, his way back. He would give his life up a thousand times over if it meant he could save her. He'd done it once and he would keep doing it if he had to...she was his sanity. His universe...what good was he if he could save every Universe but his own? He needed her. **

**He felt the boy shifting, felt his cold. He sighed, scrubbing at his tears. What good were they? They couldn't bring her back. He'd blown it. There was no going back, not now. He'd hurt her too much...maybe if he hadn't wiped her memory they'd be able to go back to the ****way things were...**

**He had to put things right. She had to know...**

**But first he had to find his body, he had to get back. He would have liked to have had Rose by his side, but since that was no longer an option, the boy would have to do. If only he could find a way to talk to the boy directly, rather than just through his dreams...**

**Hmmm... Glad to have something into which he could pour his energies, he dragged his arm over his face once more and jumped to his feet.**

**The Storm was gathering...coming before the End of all Beginnings.**

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**Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, and the delay in posting. I'm coming up to my A-Level exams so they have taken priority at the minute as I would like to get into my first choice Uni- I may get another chapter out in the next month, but I can't promise anything. **

**Reviews, and suggestions greatly appreciated as always**


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